Jesus Loves me this I know....

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails
1Corinthians 13:7&8a


Remember the song,"Jesus Loves Me this I know..."? Yes, I've sung that song for as long as I can remember. The only problem was, I didn't really know. Yes, I knew cognitively that Jesus loved me but "life" had happened and when "the rubber met the road" I didn't feel loved.

Let's just start with "it always protects".
Well, I didn't feel protected when I suffered at the hands of people. Instead, I was a victim of abuse. But this victim mentality left me full of shame and I soon found it hard to feel worthy of love, much less Jesus' Love.
So life went on and I began to lose hope in people and began to see Jesus as I saw everyone else. People had let me down and in my eyes Jesus had let me down.

After searching for love in all the wrong places, I found myself moving to Alabama. Without my knowledge, Jesus was calling on the heartstrings of my broken heart. I began to soak up every ounce of His love like the desert soaks up a drop of rain. Jesus had begun the restoration process but this would take time. The enemy of my soul had been sucking out the life in me most of my life. Ya feel me...

So I started seeking out books on love. Listened to sermons on love. I began to see my idea of what love is was really distorted. Romantic movies, novels and poetry had painted a terrible picture to society as to what love is. Then I found out my "love language". I'm not sure how much help that was, at this time in my life, because I soon began to demand Jesus love me in my "love language". I know, not a real good idea to be demanding. But I just didn't understand why I didn't really feel loved by Jesus. Was it dissapointment? Hopelessnes? Feelings of rejection? Probably so..

Tonight was my night. The rubber had met the road and I needed Jesus to SHOW me He Loved me. Bills were piling up, things were getting cut off and I needed to see Jesus' hand move in my life, in my situation, right now! You know what I mean, right? Yesterday wasn't soon enough. Now I'm crying and begging Him "PLEASE SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME!" It didn't help that my "love language" was "acts of service". I just wanted to see His hand move. This mountain was too big and I was too weary. Friends were praying with me that night. I went home with a desperation to feel His Love, to KNOW His Love.
As I laid across my bed, tears falling in a steady stream and my stomach in knots from the anguish in my heart, I closed my eyes and that's when I saw it.
A vivid image in my mind, one I could hardly bare. My heart sank, my selfish demands crashed before my eyes. The image forever burned in my mind and in my heart. My Savoir, my Beloved,dieing on a cruel cross. An uncomprehensible death and suffering. His body completely ripped apart, naked and rejected, lonely and abandoned. I was totally humbled to the core, because He did this for me. He did this because He Loved me. If I was the only one alive that day He would had done this for me. He SHOWED me that night He Loved, is still Loving and will always Love me. He Love you, my friend. Jesus Loves me this I know...